The young ones (I).
Mum was looking at the obituaries, and noted that most of the dead were in their 60's, rarely 80's. With a wistful smile, she said that she would like to die in her 60s; she didn't want to go beyond, because she didn't see a point to living life old and invalid.
Was taken aback that she seemed to look forward to "leaving". More so, when I realised that she was already 57, that so many years have gone by in a blink, that she was too close to her 60's for my comfort. Looking at her, found it hard to believe that this woman who looked more like 47, was anywhere near death, and would be so ready to "leave", so soon.
Although I would technically be in my 30's in about 6 weeks' time, still feel that I'm my "mummy's girl" -- especially since she's been finding all sorts of opportunities to "nag" and "bother" me the past year. Frankly, am not ready to "let go" of my "mummy".
- - - - - - - - - -
Why and when do people "give up" on life, or decide they have come to the end of their journey? Does it start with physical degeneration, persistent physical pains and elderly ailments? Or does it start much earlier, more insidiously, from deeper within, where no x-ray or endoscope can reach, and no branch of medicine can explain, much less to alleviate the symptoms, if not to cure.
When "mummy" calls us up at work to ask if we are coming home for dinner, or wanders into our bedrooms to make small talk or just to watch us doing whatever it was we were then doing, does she envy our activity-filled lives that she can only approximate with her weekly trips to the Genting Highlands, and solitary games of Shanghai at my sister's computer? Are her naggings just a symptom of growing old, or really an attempt to re-enact the nurturing mother that she was, 3 times over, not too long ago? Has taking care of the new puppy helped her to re-live some of these "lost" moments? She worries about whether the puppy has had her milk, or would be given too much. When she looks at us, does she see something in her children that she once had, that she still yearns for, but which she thinks she has "lost" a long time ago, and would never be able to regain?
When all the things that you thought life was about, career, household and family, have run their due course, do you stop "living" and just wait for "the end"? Would it be with quiet patience, passive resignation, or much bitterness and anger?
- - - - - - - - - -
Have you ever wondered about the too-young face, so out of place among the rows of wrinkled visages in the obituaries? Was this someone who had committed suicide because he had lost sight of the meaning in his life? Did he see "the end" of his life and decided there was no point to continuing or "completing" the journey, before life even really started for him?
- - - - - - - - - -
Would you grow old and still be young-at-heart, savouring every breath of air and every minute of being alive, and continue to live life to the fullest, because there's no such thing as "the end" until you find yourself standing on top of it? (And a HOLLOW VOICE telling you that you are truly and surely DEAD. Or perhaps you'll get only a SQUEAK.)
When you are 60, would you look back and feel it's all been worth the living, that you've left your own special "stars" on the "walk of life"?
